These are five things I’ve heard over the last week that made me laugh. Of course I have the benefit of context so you might not find them quite as pleasing. Please remember I smoke a lot of weed… and with that caveat. Please to enjoy…

1) “My DAD actually died in child birth… which is both ironic and confusing.”

2) “I think I might… love you. Either that or it’s the amphetamine psychosis.”

3) “The last fifteen words you have written into google are why, help, loss, angst, ennui, betrayal, lies, hurt, apprehension, fear, pain, nugget, tits, spanking and exposed. The Search engine wants to know if there‘s trouble at home.”

4) “Every time 30 Rock is on, I just start humping the couch. It’s Tina Fey, man, she does that sexy librarian thing. I need a new couch!”

5) “Eazy-E is the black Joe Pesci. Seriously, watch Goodfellas and then listen to Straight Outta Compton by N.W.A. That shit is spooky!”

Update: I got a new couch.