A Nightmare Before Blogging
I had a horrible nightmare last night. No, there’s not going to be a punchline, I did – for real and for true. At approximately 3:47am I woke from this nightmare all sweaty and naked (horny, ladies?) and scribbled this on my [cough] “idea pad” that I keep next to my bed.
Readers’ Voice: Wow… an “idea pad”…
Yes, okay? Sometimes I have ideas and if I don’t write them down I forget them. Hence: keeping an IDEA PAD next to the bed. Alright?
Readers’ Voice: No, no, no, it’s fine. Really.
It’s not fine. You’re taking the piss.
Readers’ Voice: No, I’m sure it’s a valuable tool… and not at all [snigger] affected.
ANYWAY…
The idea pad entry reads:
Holding onto a strand of rusty barbed wire over a bottomless pit
Seemingly endless up and down
Blood running down the wire, making the pain rope slippery
My phone slips out of my pocket, drops forever
Starts ringing as it falls
I laugh, a growling bark
Then the skin of my right palm is flayed off, I let go and fall
forever
looking into a rushing darkness
That fucking Crazy Frog ringtone my funeral dirge
So they say spiders in dreams mean money… what the FUCK does falling forever to the tune of a ”novelty” ring tone mean? I hasten to point out that in real life I do not, nor have I ever, had the Crazy Frog ringtone. I just want to make that clear.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to rock back and forth and moan for a while.
It’s bedlam inside my head.
Oh man, I’m so glad it’s you and not me in that noggin of yours. I love reading about the crazy stuff in your skull though… keep it up!
I wonder if someone was trying to call you, or if it was the phone itself, mocking you and there was nobody. Hmmmmmm….
That’s grand, Ben, I hadn’t even thought about who might have been calling. I just remember being pissed off someone changed my ringtone.
[narrows eyes] was it you?
aww… I love reader’s voice. When’s he starting a blog???
When everyone wishes with all the goodness in their little hearts and prays upon a lofty star… and sends me five bucks and a bunch of grapes. SEEDLESS and green. That’s my price. Take it or leave it.
Hmmm. I loves me some seedless green grapes and five bucks.
pfft… one day he’ll realise you’re holding him back and break out on his own. I can wait.
Readers’ Voice: I’ll get him to write it down on his “idea pad”. Yeah, I went there again!
Ha… love it! Check if there’s anything there about sequins while you’re at it.
You’re a weird chick, Nicks. Always were…